Map from Pictures of England (http://www.picturesofengland.com)
      
      
Southern
          
        Southern English engages in r-dropping, that is, r's are not
        pronounced after vowels, unless
        followed by another vowel.  Instead, vowels are lengthened
        or have
        an /'/ off-glide, so fire becomes /fai'/, far becomes /fa:/, and
        so on.
        
          - regular use of "broad a" (/a:/), where GA (General
            American)
            would
            use /æ/.
- "long o" is pronounced /'u/, where GA uses /ou/.
- final unstressed i is pronounced /i/, where GA uses /i:).
 
- t between vowels retained as /t/ (or a glottal stop, in
            its
            variants), where GA changes it to /d/.
 
        The English of well-bred Londoners, especially graduates of the
        public
        schools (e.g. Eton and Harrow) and "Oxbridge" universities, was
        the
        origin of "the Queen's
        English," also known as 
Received Pronunciation (RP),
        BBC, or "posh."
        
Cockney
          
          Originally the dialect of the working class of East End
          London. 
          
            - initial h is dropped, so house becomes /aus/ (or even
              /a:s/).
- /th/ and /dh/ become /f/ and /v/ respectively: think
              >
              /fingk/, brother > /brœv'/.
- t between vowels becomes a glottal stop: water >
              /wo?'/.
- diphthongs change, sometimes dramatically: time >
              /toim/,
              brave > /braiv/, etc.
Besides the accent, it includes a large number of slang words,
          including the famous rhyming slang:
          
            - have a butchers -- take a look [from butcher's hook =
              look]
- north and south -- mouth
- plates -- feet [from plates of meat = feet]
- boat race --  face
- skin and blister -- sister
- trouble --  wife [from trouble and strife = wife]
- dustbin lids -- kids / children
- whistle -- suit [from whistle and flute = suit]
- oily rag -- fag = cigarette 
- jam jar -- car
- mince pies -- eyes
- pen and ink -- stink
- porkies -- lies [from pork pies = lies]
- titfer -- hat [from tit for tat = hat]
- apples and pears -- stairs
- Jimmy --  urinate [from Jimmy Riddle = piddle]
- Bertie Woofter --  gay man [from Bertie Woofter =
              poofter]
- China --  mate / friend  [from China plate =
              mate]
- Khyber --  buttocks [from Khyber Pass = ass]
- rabbit and pork --  talk
- tea leaf  --  thief
- taters -- cold  [from potato mold  = cold] 
- dog and bone -- phone
- loaf  --  head  [from loaf of bread =
              head]
- brown bread --  dead
- elbows and knees -- trees
- gold watch  --  Scotch
- pride and joy --  boy
- current bun --  Sun
- dicky --  shirt [from dicky dirt = shirt]
- pots and pans -- hands
- jugs  --  ears [from jugs of beers = ears]
- ones and twos -- shoes
- daisies  --  boots [from daisy roots = boots]
- bird --  prison [from bird lime = time, as in doing
              time]
(from Kryss Katsiavriades at
          http://www.krysstal.com/cockney.html)
          
          Estuary English
          
          From London down the Thames and into Essex, Sussex, and even
          Kent, a
          new working and middle class dialect has evolved and is
          rapidly become
          "the" southern dialect.  It combines
          some of the characteristics of Cockney with RP, but makes much
          less use
          of Cockney slang.
        
        
          East Anglian
        
        This dialect is very similar to the Southern:
        
          - t between vowels usually becomes a glottal stop.
- /ai/ becomes /oi/: time > /toim/.
- RP yu becomes u: after n, t, d... as in American English.
East Midlands
        
        The dialect of the East Midlands, once filled with interesting
        variations from county to county, is now predominantly RP. 
        R's
        are dropped, but h's are pronounced.  The only signs that
        differentiate it from RP:
        
          - ou > u: (so go becomes /gu:/).
- RP yu; becomes u: after n, t, d...  as in American
            English.
The West Country
          - r's are not dropped.
- initial s often becomes z (singer > zinger).
- initial f often becomes v (finger > vinger).
- vowels are lengthened.
West Midlands
          
        This is the dialect of Ozzie Osbourne!  While
        pronunciation is
        not
        that different from RP, some of the vocabulary is:
        
          - are > am
- am, are (with a continuous sense) > bin
- is not > ay
- are not > bay
Brummie is the version of West Midlands
          spoken in
          Birmingham.
        
        Lancashire
        
        This dialect, spoken north and east of Liverpool, has the
        southern
        habit of dropping r's.  Other features:
        
          - /œ/ > /u/, as in luck (/luk/).
- /ou/ > /oi/, as in hole (/hoil/)
Scouse is the very distinctive Liverpool
          accent, a
          version of the
          Lancashire dialect, that
          the Beatles made famous.
          
            - the tongue is drawn back.
- /th/ and /dh/ > /t/ and /d/ respectively.
- final k sounds like the Arabic q.
- for is pronounced to rhyme with fur.
 
        Yorkshire
        
        The Yorkshire dialect is known for its sing-song quality, a
        little like
        Swedish, and retains its r's.
        
          - /œ/ > /u/, as in luck (/luk/).
- the is reduced to t'.
- initial h is dropped.
- was > were.
- still use thou (pronounced /tha/) and thee. 
- aught and naught (pronounced /aut/ or /out/ and /naut/ or
            /nout/)
            are used for anything and nothing.
Northern
        The Northern dialect closely resembles the southern-most
        Scottish
        dialects.  It retains many old Scandinavian words, such as
        bairn
        for child, and not only keeps its r's, but often rolls
        them.  The
        most outstanding version is 
Geordie, the
        dialect
        of the Newcastle area.
        
          - -er > /æ/, so father > /fædhæ/.
- /ou/ > /o:'/, so that boat sounds like each letter is
            pronounced.
- talk > /ta:k/
- work > /work/
- book > /bu:k/
- my > me
- me > us
- our > wor
- you plural > youse
        Wales
        
        
        Welsh English is characterized by a sing-song quality and
        lightly
        rolled r's.  It has been strongly influenced by the Welsh
        language, although it is increasingly influenced today by
        standard
        English, due to the large number of English people vacationing
        and
        retiring there.
        
        
        Scotland
        
        
        Scotland actually has more variation in dialects than
        England! 
        The variations do have a few things in common, though, besides a
        large
        particularly Scottish vocabulary:
        
          - rolled r's.
- "pure" vowels (/e:/ rather than /ei/, /o:/ rather than
            /ou/)
- /u:/ is often fronted to /ö/ or /ü/, e.g. boot, good,
            muin (moon), poor...
        There are several "layers" of Scottish English.  Most
        people today
        speak standard English with little more than the changes just
        mentioned, plus a few particular words that they themselves view
        as
        normal English, such as to jag (to prick) and burn
        (brook).  In
        rural areas, many older words and grammatical forms, as well as
        further
        phonetic variations, still survive, but are being rapidly
        replaced with
        more standard forms.  But when a Scotsman (or woman) wants
        to show
        his pride
        in his heritage, he may resort to quite a few traditional
        variations in his speech.  First, the phonetics:
        
          - /oi/, /ai/, and final /ei/ > /'i/, e.g. oil, wife,
            tide...
- final /ai/ > /i/, e.g. ee (eye), dee (die), lee
            (lie)...
- /ou/ > /ei/, e.g. ake (oak), bate (boat), hame (home),
            stane
            (stone), gae (go)...
- /au/ > /u:/, e.g. about, house, cow, now... (often
            spelled oo
            or u)
- /o/ > /a:/, e.g. saut (salt), law, aw (all)...
- /ou/ > /a:/, e.g. auld (old), cauld (cold), snaw
            (snow)...
- /æ/ > /a/, e.g. man, lad, sat...
- also:  pronounce the ch's and gh's that are silent in
            standard English as /kh/: nicht, licht, loch...
        Plus, the grammar:
        
          - Present tense:  often, all forms follow the third
            person
            singular (they wis, instead of they were).
- Past tense (weak verbs):  -it after plosives (big
            >
            biggit); -t after n, l, r, and all other unvoiced consonants
            (ken >
            kent); -ed after vowels and all other voiced consonants (luv
            >
            luved).
- Past tense (strong verbs): come > cam, gang > gaed
            and many
            more.
- On the other hand, many verbs that are strong in standard
            English
            are weak in Scottish English:  sell > sellt, tell
            > tellt,
            mak > makkit, see > seed, etc.
- Past participle is usually the same as the past (except
            for many
            strong verbs, as in standard English)
- Present participle: -in (ken > kennin)
- The negative of many auxiliary verbs is formed with
            -na:  am
            > amna, hae (have) > hinna, dae (do) > dinna, can
            > canna,
            etc.
- Irregular plurals:  ee > een (eyes), shae >
            shuin
            (shoes), coo > kye (cows).
- Common diminutives in -ie:  lass > lassie, hoose
            >
            hoosie...
- Common adjective ending: -lik (= -ish)
- Demonstratives come in four pairs (singular/plural): 
            this/thir, that/thae, thon/thon, yon/yon.
- Relative pronouns:  tha or at.
- Interrogative pronouns: hoo, wha, whan, whase, whaur,
            whatna,
            whit.
- Each or every is ilka; each one is ilk ane.
- Numbers: ane, twa, three, fower, five, sax, seeven, aucht,
            nine,
            ten, aleeven, twal...
        And finally, the many unique words:  lass, bairn (child),
        kirk
        (church), big (build), bonny, greet (weep), ingle (household
        fire), aye
        (yes), hame (home)...  As you can see, Scottish English in
        its
        original glory is as near to being different language as one can
        get,
        rather than
        simply another dialect of English.  See Clive P L Young's
        Scots
        Haunbuik at http://www.electricscotland.com/tourist/sh_gram.htm
        for
        more detail.
        
        There are also several urban dialects, particularly in Glasgow
        and
        Edinburgh.  The thick dialect of the working class of
        Edinburgh
        can be heard in the
        movie 
Trainspotting.
        
        In the Highlands, especially the Western Islands, English
        is often people's
        second language, the first being Scottish Gaelic.  Highland
        English is
        pronounced in a lilting fashion with pure vowels.  It is,
        actually, one of the prettiest varieties of English I have ever
        heard.
        
        
        Ireland
        
        
        English was imposed upon the Irish, but they have made it their
        own and
        have contributed some of our finest literature.  Irish
        English is
        strongly influenced by Irish Gaelic:
        
          - r after vowels is retained
- "pure" vowels (/e:/ rather than /ei/, /o:/ rather than
            /ou/)
- /th/ and /dh/ > /t/ and /d/ respectively.
        The sentence structure of Irish English often borrows from the
        Gaelic:
        
          - Use of be or do in place of usually:
            - I do write... (I usually write) 
 
- Use of after for the progressive perfect and
            pluperfect:
            - I was after getting married (I had just gotten
              married)
- Use of progressive beyond what is possible in standard
            English:
            - I was thinking it was in the drawer
- Use of the present or past for perfect and pluperfect:
            - She’s dead these ten years (she has been dead...)
- Use of let you be and don’t be as the
            imperative:
            - Don’t be troubling yourself
- Use of it is and it was at the beginning
            of a
            sentence:
            - it was John has the good looks in the family
            - Is it marrying her you want?
- Substitute and for when or as:
            - It only struck me and you going out of the door
- Substitute the infinitive verb for that or if:
            - Imagine such a thing to be seen here!
- Drop if, that, or whether:
- Statements phrased as rhetorical questions:
            - Isn’t he the fine-looking fellow?
- Extra uses of the definite article:
            - He was sick with the jaundice
- Unusual use of prepositions:
            - Sure there’s no daylight in it at all now
        As with the English of the Scottish Highlands, the English of
        the west
        coast of Ireland, where Gaelic is still spoken, is lilting, with
        pure
        vowels.  It, too, is particularly pretty.
        
        
        Australian English
        
        
        Australian English is predominantly British English, and
        especially
        from the London area.  R’s are dropped after vowels, but
        are often
        inserted between two words ending and beginning with vowels.
        
        The vowels reflect a strong “Cockney” influence:  The long
        a
        (/ei/) tends towards a long i (/ai/), so pay sounds like pie to
        an
        American ear. The long i (/ai/), in turn, tends towards oi, so
        cry
        sounds like croy.  Ow sounds like it starts with a short a
        (/æ/).  Other vowels are less dramatically shifted.
        
        Even some rhyming slang has survived into Australlian
        English: 
        Butcher’s means look (butcher’s hook); hit and miss means piss;
        loaf
        means head (loaf of bread); Noah’s ark means shark; Richard the
        third
        means turd, and so on.
        
        Like American English has absorbed numerous American Indian
        words,
        Australian English has absorbed many Aboriginal words:
        
          - billibong -- watering hole
- coolabah -- a type of tree
- corroboree -- a ceremony
- nulla-nulla -- a club
- wallaby -- small kangaroo
- wombat -- a small marsupial
- woomera -- a weapon
- wurley -- a simple shelter
        ...not to mention such ubiquitous words as kangaroo, boomerang,
        and
        koala!
        
        Aborigine and colonialist myths blended easily, and there are a
        number
        of fearsome creatures.  For example, the bunyip lives near
        bilibongs and eats children. Also living in bilibongs is the
        mindi, a
        hairy snake.  A yowie is the Australian version of
        Sasquatch.  And the min-min light is their version of a
        will-o-the-wisp.
        
        Many common words refer to the traditions of the bushman or
        bushie --
        the early explorers and settlers of the outback
        (wilderness).  You
        can find many of these in Australia’s national song, Waltzing
        Matilda.
        
          - billy -- tin pot for making tea
- cooee -- call used in the outback
- dingo -- native dog
- jackeroo -- young station hand
- joey -- young kangaroo
- jumbuck -- sheep
- matilda -- backpack
- never-never -- the far outback
- squatter -- rancher
- station -- ranch
- swagman -- bushman or tramp
- tucker -- food
        Colorful expressions also abound:
        
          - Like a greasespot -- hot and sweaty
- Like a stunned mullet -- in a daze
- Like a dog’s breakfast -- a mess
- Up a gumtree -- in trouble
- Mad as a gumtree full of galahs -- insane
- Happy as a bastard on Fathers’ Day -- very happy
- Dry as a dead dingo’s donger -- very dry indeed
        Another characteristic of Australian English is abbreviated
        words,
        often ending in -y, -ie, or -o:
        
          - aussie -- Australian
- chalky -- teacher
- chewie -- chewing gum
- chockie -- chocoloate
- coldie -- a cold beer
- cossie -- swimming costume (swimsuit)
- footy -- football (Australian rules, of course)
- frenchie -- condom
- frostie -- a cold beer
- garbo -- garbage man
- lavvy -- lavatory
- lippie -- lipstick
- lollies -- sweets
- mossie -- mosquito
- mushies -- mushrooms
- oldies -- one’s parents
- rellies -- one’s relatives
- sammie -- sandwich
- sickie -- sick day
- smoko -- cigarette break
- sunnies -- sunglasses
        And, of course, there are those peculiarly Australian words and
        expressions, such
        as g’day (guhdoy to American ears), crikey, fair dinkum, no
        worries,
        Oz, Pavlova, and Vegemite! 
        
        
        New Zealand
        
        
        New Zealand English is heard by Americans as "Ozzie Light." The
        characteristics of Australian English are there to some degree,
        but not
        as intensely.  The effect for Americans is uncertainty as
        to
        whether the person is from England or Australia.  One clue
        is that
        New Zealand English sounds "flatter" (less modulated) than
        either
        Australian or British English and more like western American
        English.
        
        
        South Africa
        
        
        South African English is close to RP but often with a Dutch
        influence.  English as spoken by Afrikaaners is more
        clearly
        influenced by Dutch pronunciation.  Just like Australian
        and
        American English, there are numberous words adopted from the
        surrounding African languages, especially for native species of
        animals
        and plants.  As spoken by black South
        Africans for whom it is not their first language, it often
        reflects the
        pronunciation of their Bantu languages, with purer vowels. 
        Listen, for example, to Nelson Mandela or Bishop Tutu.
        
        Alan Millar of South Africa wrote me with some additional
        information:
        
          - i - as in bit is pronounced 'uh'
- long /a:/ in words like 'past', 'dance'
- t in middle of words pronounced as d's ('pretty' becomes
            '/pridi:/')
          - donga - ditch, from Xhosa
- dagga - marijuana, from Xhoixhoi (?)
- kak - bullshit, from Afrikaans
- fundi - expert, from Xhosa and Zulu umfundi (student).
        Dialects also varies slightly from east to west:  In Natal
        (in
        western South Africa), /ai/ is pronounced /a:/, so that why is
        pronounced /wa:/.
        
        On top of all this, the dialects of the ethnic group referred to
        in
        South Africa as "Coloured" (i.e. of mixed racial backgrounds)
        have a
        dialect quite distinct from the dialects of "white" South
        Africans.
        
        Alan also suggests that South African has a "flatter" (less
        modulated)
        sound, similar to that of New Zealand as contrasted with
        Australian
        English.
        
        
        Canada
        
        
        Canadian English is generally similar to northern and western
        American
        English.  The one outstanding characteristic is called
        Canadian
        rising:
        
          - /ai/ and /au/ become /œi/ and /œu/, respectively.  
        Americans can listen to the newscaster Peter Jennings -- one of
        the
        best voices on the telly! -- for these sounds.
        
        One unusual characteristic found in much Canadian casual speech
        is the
        use of sentence final "eh?" even in declarative sentences.
        
        Most Canadians retain r's after vowels, but in the Maritimes,
        they drop
        their r's, just like their New England neighbors to the south.
        
        Newfoundland has a very different dialect, called Newfie, that
        seems to
        be strongly influenced by Irish immigrants:
        
          - /th/ and /dh/ > /t/ and /d/ respectively.
- am, is, are > be's
- I like, we like, etc. > I likes, we likes, etc.